when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They are going to name an STD after you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
