Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
