i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
