Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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