It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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