I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All the doctor said was why
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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