You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
