I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
