def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
this hospital has no fireball
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
