dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
