There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We talked him into tasing himself.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
