For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My ass is underappreciated
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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