I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just made out with a guy for $7.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
