You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
