Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
