By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
