She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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