i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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