Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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