You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
