i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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