Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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