If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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