the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
