so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Randomize
