Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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