thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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