The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
