Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
