and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
