I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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