i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I didn't shave. On purpose
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I love you. Go after that dick
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
