hotel room ftw
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
