so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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