Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize