one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
