i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Someone signed my nipple.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
