yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize