She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize