I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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