That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
