Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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