2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
