I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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