I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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