I hate your face
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
