Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
