Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
