No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
