JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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