I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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