Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
