Pappa wants mamma naked
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
