can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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