So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize