Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
