I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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