i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You are the jesus of drinking
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
