Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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