just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
