Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
