3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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