you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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