first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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