I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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