i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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