I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
