the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
