At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i would punch a child for taco bell
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
