the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
