Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
