Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
