the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
