Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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