My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
